How I Met My Man.
I had my eye on Pesach since the third time I was hanging out with mama. After she’d already mentioned that I should go out with him.
It’s a little weird, but I was at mama’s house and Pesach came by to drop off the kids. I didn’t see him but I heard his voice. Later that night I attended a community dinner and he was there. I didn’t hear him speak, but I had a gut feeling that he was sitting at the table. I then went to a small gathering after dinner, and he was there. In one day, I saw him three times - and he didn’t even see me at all.
Six months after I started managing a cafe for a bakery in Jerusalem, Pesach started working in the bakery upstairs. Every day, he would come to my cafe for lunch.
He would sit at his own table outside of the cafe, eat one or two delicious sandwiches (if I do say so myself!), study some Torah, , and go back up to work.
He didn’t want to be bothered. He hardly even looked my way.
I, on the other hand, had my eye on him from day one. How could I not?! His ex-wife, who I had become friends with, suggested I date him! So, one day when he was sitting and studying, I introduced myself and asked him if he ever wanted to “share what he was learning with me.”
He totally blew me off.
It was fun being co-workers. You know, you can totally be yourself, dress as cute or not cute as you want, flirt, and really not care at all about what your co-workers think, because that’s all they are. Not too many co-worker relationships develop outside of work.
Occasionally at work he would sit indoors. On those occasions, we’d end up talking, (there were only 4 tables inside: it was a small, intimate cafe). We’d usually talk about his kids or my family - because it seemed having a “love for family” was one of our shared interests. I shared with him that I was friends with his ex, and that I knew his kids a little bit through her. I felt it was important to make it clear to him that I knew he came with some “light baggage.”
Honestly, his ex and I NEVER spoke about their marriage. It wasn’t something she wanted to talk about, and I’m not the type of person to question everything. I like that I can give everyone a fair chance at representing themselves, and then I can decide my own thoughts about them. This “lack of knowledge” about their relationship, worked for me.
SO for two years Pesach and I were co-workers. I’d flirt and he’d ignore. (Not in a rude way, just in a way of, “I’m a dad with six kids - what would you want to do with me, so I’m not going to read into this, kind of way).
And then, one Thursday night, I was at a Tu B’Av Party (the Jewish version of Valentine’s Day), and Pesach was also there. I was standing outside talking with him and my close friend Ayelet.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: Pesach you should get me flowers.
Pesach: Why should I get you flowers?
Me: Because you’re the only guy I’ve seen every day consecutively for the last two years (bc of work).
The next day at work, some random guy ran into my cafe, handed me a bouquet of flowers, said “these are for you,” and he ran out!
I called Ayelet, and said to her, “I just got a random bouquet of flowers, with no note or anything…do you think they’re from Pesach? You should call him and ask him.” (Side-note..I didn’t know who they were from, but I didn’t really think they were from Pesach).
So Ayelet did her detective work, and found out they were not from Pesach.
Sunday afternoon however, Pesach walked into the cafe:
(A very determined) Pesach: Do you have a minute to sit down?
Me: …sitting down…
Pesach: What time do you get off of work on Tuesday?
Me: six o’clock, why?
Pesach: I think we should go out.
Me: I think that’s a good idea.
Our first date was at a “Paint Your Own Pottery” shop, followed by a sushi dinner. After our date, I freaked out and told him I was going to date other people, to which he said “that’s a great idea, that takes the pressure off of me.” And then I quickly decided I only wanted to see him.
After our second date, I went to mama’s house, to check in with her and see if she was still on board with this idea. She started crying tears of joy. She was beyond excited.
On our third date, I went to his house for dinner, and his kids said, “what are you doing here? Normally you’re at mama’s house.” I said, “I think I’m going to be hanging out here more often…”
The kids responded very positively.
Three months later we were engaged, and six months later, I walked down the aisle.
I’m really enjoying sharing my story with you! I’ve loved the feedback and questions you’ve been sending me - and I’ve created a facebook group so I can answer your questions together!
This Facebook group is also filled with motivation, inspiration, and goal setting - to help create a healthy, balanced life - for 12 step graduates, step-moms, and seekers of all kinds!!
My next post will be a Q&A…So..bring it on :)